Current:Home > StocksDo narcissists feel heartbroken? It's complicated. What to know about narcissism, breakups. -FinanceMind
Do narcissists feel heartbroken? It's complicated. What to know about narcissism, breakups.
View
Date:2025-04-18 07:21:46
If you've been discarded by a narcissist, you likely know the pain and rumination that follows a sudden breakup.
But how do narcissists feel when relationships ends? Do they experience heartbreak?
It's a complicated question − and mental health experts say the answer hinges on several factors, including what type of narcissist they are, if there's another person they're interested in who's readily available and if they had a say in ending the relationship.
"Do they have a broken heart? I mean, it's not fair for me to say they don't," says Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist." "They experience their broken heart though as very shameful, because it feels weak and vulnerable to them."
What does love mean to a narcissist?
Narcissists − in addition to their grandiosity and need for attention and validation − lack empathy. In other words, they care about themselves and not others.
It's a common myth, however, that narcissists don't have feelings.
"They actually do have feelings. They have very big feelings. They just have feelings for themselves and not for you," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth."
Narcissists have a type.Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
Narcissists don't feel love in the same way non-narcissists do, explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse." They don't love their partner; they love the narcissistic supply, or the attention and validation, that person brings them.
Therefore, if a narcissist feels heartbreak, it's mainly about the loss of supply, rather than the loss of the person.
"They're sad to lose something that worked for them," Cole says. "If you lost your favorite purse or lost your favorite possession or something that meant a lot to you, you would be sad about losing that thing that was important, because of what it did for you or how it made you feel."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Plus, telling a narcissist "no" − which essentially is what breaking up with them does − wounds their ego, resulting in what's called narcissistic injury. This serves as a stark reminder that their grandiose sense of self is merely an illusion.
"They work very hard to maintain this view of themselves, that they are the best, that they're the most attractive, that they're the smartest, that everyone would want to be with them," Cole says. "When you break up with them, you're essentially saying, 'Actually, that's not true, and you're not this grandiose person that you want to believe you are.' "
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
How the narcissist feels depends on how the relationship ended
When a narcissist's fragile ego gets hurt, all hell can break loose, and it's not uncommon for them to lash out by stalking or launching smear campaigns against their exes.
They also might try showering their exes with displays of affection in order to win them back, Durvasula says.
On the flip side, narcissists can also move on quite callously if they're the ones who initiated the breakup. Durvasula says narcissists discard partners once they grow bored of their supply and start craving a new source.
"It's often another person, or it's another opportunity, but whatever it is, it's shinier than that person they were with," Durvasula says.
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
Cole says narcissists also initiate breakups when their partners become "too difficult to manipulate or control."
"A lot of times, if you get healthier, the narcissist will start getting more frustrated with you," she says. "The better you get at setting boundaries and knowing your truth and not engaging with them, the more frustrated they get."
Is your teenager narcissistic?Probably, but that’s OK. Here’s why.
Heartbroken over a narcissist? Keep this in mind:
Sarkis encourages people who have been discarded by narcissists to focus on themselves. This, she says, in an important step in healing your own heartbreak.
More:Narcissists often try to win back their exes with ‘hoovering;’ experts say it’s emotional blackmail.
"When you're in a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist makes the focus so much about them that when you leave the relationship − whether that's voluntary, involuntary − you're very focused on them," she says. "It's time to take that power back."
Plus, prioritizing your health and happiness also happens to be the best revenge.
"Narcissists don't like to see you happy," Cole says. "And so, the best way to really get revenge against the narcissist after a breakup is to be happy, is to fully invest in your life knowing that, yes, they are upset that you're happy, because you're showing them that you can be happy without them. You can survive without them."
Psychopaths are everywhere.Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (6158)
Related
- The Grammy nominee you need to hear: Esperanza Spalding
- Where will Elmo go? HBO moves away from 'Sesame Street'
- Apple iOS 18.2: What to know about top features, including Genmoji, AI updates
- Meta donates $1 million to Trump’s inauguration fund
- San Francisco names street for Associated Press photographer who captured the iconic Iwo Jima photo
- Federal court filings allege official committed perjury in lawsuit tied to Louisiana grain terminal
- Residents worried after ceiling cracks appear following reroofing works at Jalan Tenaga HDB blocks
- House passes bill to add 66 new federal judgeships, but prospects murky after Biden veto threat
- Questlove charts 50 years of SNL musical hits (and misses)
- Google unveils a quantum chip. Could it help unlock the universe's deepest secrets?
Ranking
- The 401(k) millionaires club keeps growing. We'll tell you how to join.
- IRS recovers $4.7 billion in back taxes and braces for cuts with Trump and GOP in power
- $73.5M beach replenishment project starts in January at Jersey Shore
- Man can't find second winning lottery ticket, sues over $394 million jackpot, lawsuit says
- Appeals court scraps Nasdaq boardroom diversity rules in latest DEI setback
- Skins Game to make return to Thanksgiving week with a modern look
- US appeals court rejects Nasdaq’s diversity rules for company boards
- Why Sean "Diddy" Combs Is Being Given a Laptop in Jail Amid Witness Intimidation Fears
Recommendation
Can Bill Belichick turn North Carolina into a winner? At 72, he's chasing one last high
FACT FOCUS: Inspector general’s Jan. 6 report misrepresented as proof of FBI setup
Working Well: When holidays present rude customers, taking breaks and the high road preserve peace
House passes bill to add 66 new federal judgeships, but prospects murky after Biden veto threat
Whoopi Goldberg is delightfully vile as Miss Hannigan in ‘Annie’ stage return
'Survivor' 47 finale, part one recap: 2 players were sent home. Who's left in the game?
Retirement planning: 3 crucial moves everyone should make before 2025
A Mississippi company is sentenced for mislabeling cheap seafood as premium local fish